No More Soul-Stacking

I know it's wrong, but I just can't stop it from happening. My logic says No, yet my hormone tells me Yes. It's tearing me apart from inside, you know? Like the scene where you see the chestbuster bursts out from the chest of the victim in the Aliens movies. Except that there's no chestbuster, only soulbuster. I never show any interest in the first place, but as time goes by, the feeling got stronger, and outmaneuvered my will. After all, I am just mere human. I can feel sad, happy, upset, angry and in love like any other human. I am not immortal. I am mere mortal, perhaps a twisted one, and not joining Mortal Combat. I know the success rate is micro, perhaps nano, but I just can't stop myself from stacking my soul in a potential heartbreak game. It's addictive, like how gamblers are addicted to gambling, like how humans are tied to emotions.

My last crush ended not so long ago, and I am just about to move on with my "unwomanized" life, and then we met. Life is tricky, huh? I know I won't say out my feeling, because you won't be staying long here. This reminds me of my first heartbreak. It's the same case, I fell in love, the girls left town to study, finally, heartache for me. It's all coming back to me again. I hate that feeling, cramp in the chest, emotion tsunami and insomnia. Yeah, I got my insomnia from my first heartbreak. And it's been haunting me since then. And I don't want to have a second wave coming. I could die from emotion distortion. Enough is enough.

I shall hold on tight to my will this time, no more falling in love until I feel like to. Well, at least I know I am still straight. So you people out there who think I am gay should stop thinking like that. I am not gay, I just haven't found the right one. Cheers. Period.

ryo signing off, the longest distance between human exists when one loves and afraid of a person at the same time.